Goldilocks Pain Syndrome: The Struggle to Find “Just Right” Comfort in Inflammatory Arthritis

Mel discusses the daily battle to find comfort....

If you’re living with an inflammatory arthritis like Psoriatic Arthritis (PsA), you probably know exactly what I mean when I say this: sometimes, finding comfort feels like chasing a unicorn. I’m calling it my 'Goldilocks Pain Syndrome' —that frustrating, often exhausting hunt for the pillow, splint, or support that is “just right”,  that doesn’t make your pain worse or leave you feeling unsupported. Do you know what I mean? Trust me, I’m right there with you.

It can be an elusive daily and nightly hunt for comfort. We need relief that fits us perfectly at the time (because pain points can shift!) So nothing too hard, nothing too soft… we really do need it to be just right. When your joints are angry and unpredictable, that sweet spot feels like a moving target. You try one pillow, and it’s way too firm. A wrist splint is so soft it might as well be a scarf. Even something like therapy putty can be too tough or too mushy. It’s a never-ending cycle of trial, error, and often,  disappointment.

Getting a good night’s sleep feels like a dream (pun intended!) when arthritis pain wakes you every few hours. I’ve bought pillows that promised neck relief, only to wake up with a crick and a headache or shoulder ache. You try stacking them, flattening them, switching sides, tucking them under and around  —but that “just right” support is still too elusive! Don't even ask me about memory foam (it's a bit marmite for many?!) It's all very frustrating to say the least. We need our sleep!

Finding back supports that aren’t too stiff or too immobilising? Tricky.  Wrist supports sound simple enough but finding one that supports without squeezing or stiffening too much is a serious challenge. I’ve had wrist wraps that felt like a warm hug, and others that made me want to toss them out the window. Rigid metal splints can start to dig in after a while (my OT made me 'thermoplastic' ones that are much better). The texture of the support fabric they are made with can be itchy, sweaty or annoying. The Velcro tabs on splints used to close them can get scratchy (and if you have fibro as well as the joint pain, they can make your skin hypersensitivity go through the roof!)

Use therapy putty to strengthen and keep our hands moving? That’s a Goldilocks game of its own—too soft and it’s pointless, too firm and it’s painful. We probably need the whole range of colours in order to be able to use the right one on the right day!

Foot and ankle pain is another battlefield. Shoes that look cute but pinch your foot or rub on your tender, puffy Achilles are gathering dust at the back of the wardrobe (feels like my glamour days are long gone!) Gel or foam insoles that should be perfect in theory, but just crush or create even more pain your arches. Ankle support wraps that don’t ‘pull’ under your foot or irritate your leg? Like gold dust.  It all adds to the daily frustration.

Everyday Tools That Should Help (but don’t?!) Lots of people with PsA and inflammatory arthritis suffer with wrist, hand pain and grip issues.  Simple tasks like opening jars or gripping utensils become even more complicated when the tools that are supposed to help.. still aren’t. Some can be too big or  bulky, others too flimsy, or so just darn awkward to use that you can only think the person who designed them must have no idea of the issues they have tried to ‘solve’.

The Psychological toll is more than just physical! What really gets me (and you too I bet!) is how draining this all is mentally. The constant trying to get comfy, failing, buying/returning/buying again can wear you down. It’s not just the money that stings (and it can get expensive!) - it’s feeling like it’s a moving target that you can never fix on. It’s tough to feel like relief is always just out of reach and that you can never quite find your comfort zone. You even start doubting yourself…“Am I being too picky? Is this all in my head?” Nope. This is real, and can feel overwhelming. I hear you.

Some things that have helped me in the past (Maybe They’ll Help You Too?)

- Lean on Your Tribe: Remember that old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’? When I’ve talked to people in my peer support circles, sharing what’s worked and what’s failed with others going through the same thing it can be really helpful. Often they can suggest things they have found that might work for me too (which can help save time, money, and sanity).

- Try Before You Buy? It can be possible to borrow or test some aids before buying. Some stores or therapists have loan programs for larger items so might be worth exploring.

- Keep Track: I’ll admit I forget to jot down what I’ve tried and how it feels but I should! Over time, it might have helped show patterns that emerged and helped me make better choices. And not 'repeat buy' (doh!) Have you done this?

- Ask the Pros: as I have been personally reminded this year - Occupational therapists can be sanity lifesavers—they can suggest custom solutions you might not have thought of or found on your own.

You’re not alone in the Goldilocks Journey.  If you’re juggling the “too hard, too soft, just right” struggle every day, I get it. It’s exhausting, frustrating and can test our deepest levels of resilience. But, sharing these experiences reminds us we’re not alone - and that together, we can find better ways to cope. My hope is that even just reading this might have helped you...

Have you found something that finally felt “just right”?  What’s still driving you nuts? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your story and swap tips…and it might just help someone else too.